This Spice Girl lacks 100% organic breasts.

The has-been pop star formerly known as Posh Spice was recently busted for lying about breast implants. She mistakenly boasted about her natural body on British television in 2003.

I’m completely natural, except for my fingernails and I have a bit of help with my hair and a bit of San Tropez going on.

A year later she dutifully followed up her first lie on a British talk show.

I haven’t had a boob job.

Problem is, recent court documents prove Posh girl paid £10,000 for the operation in 1999. Oops! I’m just trying to figure out why breast implants are more shameful than the movie Spice World. Hmmmm.

Fat from liposuction can be manufactured into biodiesel. Sadly, this woman selfishly wasted her fuel.

A New Zealand man’s recent epiphany may change the world. Through liposuction, we can turn fat asses into biodiesel fuel. He plans to publicize this concept by jetting around the world on a boat powered by human blubber. Once the idea catches on (which it will), you should be able to skip the gas station and head straight to your local plastic surgeon for fuel.

A large liposuction operation involves removing 10 pounds of fat, which would drive a car about 50 miles once converted.

5 miles per pound of fat! With 64% of Americans now overweight, things are really looking up for this country. Just look at all the problems mandatory liposuction could solve (in order of importance):

• Americans wouldn’t be so ugly.
• That fat fuck Dr. Phil couldn’t sell any more diet books.
• Big Oil would finally have some competition.
• We would reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
• Human biodiesel would foster a cleaner environment.
• Health care costs would plummet due to all the fat loss.

Cameron Diaz is jealous of peeps who use cosmetic surgery to look like her.

Cameron Diaz just launched a smear attack against plastic surgery because she’s getting worried too many women will become as good-looking as her. She hopes to awaken the age-old myth of inner beauty that I first heard about through my parents, who just happen to be the same folks who told me about Santa Claus and flying reindeer.

Beauty comes from the inside, but that’s not the message we’re selling to young girls in society today. It’s really dangerous.

Hey, I have an idea on how you can help young girls with your cause. Gain 100 pounds for your next starring role in Hollywood. Truth is, I’m just dying to see how your inner beauty looks in a bikini scene. Trust me, nobody will even notice your newfound fat ass with all that inner beauty radiating around your cellulite. Justine Timberlake will thank you for it.

With the help of plastic surgery, Sharon Osbourne has consistently remained hotter than her daughter Kelly.

Sharon Osbourne recently confessed to spending a cool £300,000 on plastic surgery. There’s no doubt she was a real heifer before, so at least the money went to a good cause. Sharon’s impressive de-uglification bio includes gastric banding, a tummy tuck, liposuction, a full facelift, and a new boob job.

The last thing I had done were my breasts about three months ago. I am a 34DD now and Ozzy loves them.

It’s good to know Ozzy is happy with your breasts because if he fell into another suicidal depression and walked off a cliff, the three Ozzy fans in the world might get motivated to form a garage band dedicated to Ozzy, and that would only prolong memories of Ozzy. Hopefully he disappears one day and his face shows up on a milk carton so those three Ozzy fans will go search for him in the woods. Then they’ll never get motivated to start an Ozzy tribute band, sparing us all.